So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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