Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
