I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
