Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I want a musical about memes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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