Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
