My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I will die if light touches me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
