I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
