she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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