To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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