so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
