So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
