cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
