I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
