Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
