you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When are your genitals available?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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