rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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