It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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