I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
