3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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