I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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