My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
