i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
