I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
