You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
barbara walters just said penis...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
