i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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