thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
