i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
