I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
