I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
