How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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