i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
