i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
as a side note pls kill me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
