3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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