i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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