she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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