oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
