your thong is hanging out like whoa
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
