Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
