And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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