Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
