she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
