it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
