WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
