im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
