I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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