Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
