It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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