New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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