my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
