You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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