Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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