Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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