I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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