I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
