We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
