No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
