What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
