so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
