Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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