I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
