wanna go halves on a baby?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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