I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
