i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
