I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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