just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
