Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
