birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
