you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
