Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
