I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
