hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize