someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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