I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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