dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
