That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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