I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
