your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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