i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
