I hate all girls vehemently.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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